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ARE FAMILY VALUES STILL A THING?

Updated: Sep 15, 2023

The best preparation starts before conceiving a baby.


In preparing individuals, couples and families for conception, pregnancy and birth, the subject of Core Values often arises. Birth is like that, it asks you to feel into the very foundations of who you are and what you believe in. At the very least, a 'mindful' birth preparation course will ask you to become aware of what are you would like to pass on to the next generation.


Prior to conception, is actually the time to ask oneself these questions because before having a baby is when one does have the time to reflect on such matters, own up to them and do the personal work involved to change behavioural paradigms. That's of course if you are interested in helping birth a new reality, committed to change for a more awake, aware and conscious future of humanity and our relationship to this Earth.


This is indeed a time for New Values or at least reassessing old ones.


More and more people have realized the hard way that money doesn’t buy happiness, owning stuff doesn’t make you successful and keeping in good health is not about taking pills.

More and more families are realizing that having children is very different from raising children, your presence is more important than presents and that love is a state of being rather than a word. Having the best grades doesn’t equip you for life, being able to fit into the norm doesn’t make you normal and in most instances ‘staying calm and carrying on’ is a freeze response to the global challenges which are currently immerging.


In our evolutionary process as human beings, religious values like ‘thou shalt not steal’ or 'thou shalt not commit adultery' , were replaced by commercial values which added ‘speak as much truth as is necessary’ in order to sell a product or the survival of the fittest in a highly competative economy, which has, as a result over time, so diluted our values that we no longer believe in the value of Truth. Disbelief, suspicion and fear are the results of a diluted version of truth both individually and collectively.


Can you perceive the difference within you between learnt or embodied values?


Values like politeness and good table manners that have been passed down from generation to generation in order to maintain a good social status, have in the meantime been called up by something called courage, authenticity and unique individuality by an increasing number of people awakening to a need for deeper meaning and value of life itself. I personally journey with future families that are looking for words, songs and values that make sense and are worth passing on to the next generation. Their togetherness is being unrooted from polite conversation, arranged marriages or inherited professions and is being regenerated by a desire to listen, to be true to one's self and perhaps to take care of our planet instead.


This re-evaluation of our values quickened by pandemics, climate change and life under duress does not arise from a need to punish nor to exclude but from an urging need for clarity and consistency when creating life anew. Our core values are the building blocks for new structures, the foundations for new families that are no longer defined by gender, ethnicity or even how many times one has paired up to create offsprings. Life herself it seems is asking us to redefine what are the solid foundations we wish to base our new versions of the truth on? What are the spoken, transparent and supported by action values that we wish to pass onto our children?


Before assessing what your family values are can you feel the need for them and how they might serve you?


Perhaps we can gather together on Zoom or snuggle up with our families at home and rather than talk about what’s on TV or how to salvage what is doomed to end, how about envisioning a new future together? How about daring to ask another what our values are and how we can help each other upkeep them? If you had to start from the beginning who and what would you make sure is there? I am hearing terms like right sizing rather than downsizing and being in right-relationship rather than in old dynamics of power. I see and hear a need for authentic truth by people who show up in presence rather than send an email or a text. I hear words like kindness, caring and courage being talked about outside the context of fairy tales and I witness action taken towards cleansing, preserving and regenerating ourselves as well as this beautiful Earth with more and more urgency.


Alas, shared values might spontaneously arise out of the ashes but the point which I am trying to make is that this time around we are being called to name it, to name what we want our common ground to be founded upon so that there is no blaming down the line. We cannot wait for the next text book to tell us what is best for us and what our behaviour should look like, no government or educational body is going to give us this to feed on. Our values are not just fancy words with a familiar background. They are the steady mast in a storm, the crystalline structure containing the flow, the blue line when swimming yet another lap in the pool, our personal and individual responsibility towards ourselves and how we give our life meaning. Our values help us ride the waves of change with love from the inside out, from a sovereign sense of space, freedom and accountability as a global citizen. This is not about anyone else telling us we should or have to do.


If we can assess our values for a busines plan or a future sale could we not at least do it for ourselves as well as our families?


This is about humanity growing up into adulthood and individually leading by example. This is about reinstating our faith in the goodness of humanity and what we can achieve together if we put our hearts to it. Crystal clear values help us overcome our weaknesses and healing curves, they empower us in times which need more clarity and set personal goals for us to rise up to. Identifying the values which are most important to us is usually a lifelong affair and are connected to our unique essence, our vibrancy, our spirit. To me, they’ve been a lifelong companion which feels like they came with me at birth. They’ve made me certain in times of adversity and they’ve kept me going in times of change, they’ve helped me understand who I am and how I might serve my purpose. Sometimes, I’ve held onto them too tightly for a healthy sense of safety or in other occasions I’ve loosened up on them in order to fit in, only to find that I was letting myself down in the process.


This past year of accelerated change I worked on "consent" as a value and a virtuous practice. It allowed me to slow down and notice my words and my actions before I spoke them out loud or acted them out. Asking for consent before picking up a baby or sharing my woes put both me and the other in a position of mutual respect. It meant I could really hear another for the first time rather than assume and break us both out of long-standing habits in the process of feeling into an authentic yes or no. I ask the families I journey with to feel into their values as a prepartion for receiving their baby and I get to witness entire intergenerational patterns unfold, transform and ground themselves into new behaviours.


Ask me for a list of values and I'll email them to you or better still join my CORE VALUES for Future Families exploration class online.


Authentic truth-telling has always been another foundational value of mine but this year I want to make sure I share my truth even more gently, even more digestibly, even if it is right down to the core and in situations I might have avoided in the past, remaining always grateful for being alive in these unprecedented times. This year I will acknowledge my courage and sensitivity and allow myself more space for forgiveness, gentleness and care. Once you identify what is really true and real in you, then the real work of applying your values, relating with them and refining them becomes the path of living a virtuous life for yourself and the rewards are peace of mind and a lightness in your heart you might even call happiness.





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Sep 15, 2023
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